Hilarious lines from 4 of TV’s funniest shows
I was a kid of the 80s and fondly remember growing up in front of and along with South African TV. Back then we weren’t glued to the idiot box like kids these days with their inseparable tablets or smartphones. Not for the lack of trying, though. It was just that our favourite show’s episodes had a very small window to air between 6pm and 11pm, once a week!
And by 11pm I of course mean 7pm at the very latest, because we had to be in bed by 8pm. The 3-hour slot after that was reserved for mom and dad to make sure everyone else was asleep, snog and watch news, Dallas and Falcon Crest.
Ja, we know what you guys did in the dark after Magnum PI. There are reasons why some of us have siblings!
Us Afrikaanse kids also had it deliciously bêd wiff de Iengliesh daailogs, but we pulled through in the end.
The fun (for us kids, that is) didn’t stop after going to bed satisfied with the latest instalment of The A-Team, Aquaman, Buck Rogers, Airwolf or Simon & Simon.
It usually got very real the next morning before school if you and your friends were early and eager enough to discuss the previous evening’s all-action episode. It sometimes carried on into first and second break as well. These sessions were, without fail, accompanied by mouthing sound effects such as imitating machine guns, explosions and swooshing fist-fight sounds as well as terrible method acting. Us Afrikaanse kids also had it deliciously bêd wiff de Iengliesh daailogs, but we pulled through in the end.
So now, with a little help from my grown-up friend Showmax, let us revisit some of the best dialogue moments of 5 of the funniest shows you can stream:
There are over 40 episodes available to binge and a few more heading our way very soon! Yes, HBO earlier this week announced earlier that Silicon Valley Season 6 will premiere in October. This will be their final season.
- Dinesh: “Holy shit, this one is looking for a ‘relationship that has the potential to become sexual in nature’… Boy, is she on the spectrum. She can’t even make eye contact with the camera.”
- Richard: “You know, I wish this was Roman times. You know? Life was simpler back then.”
Dinesh: “Simpler for you. I would have been a slave.”
Gilfoyle: “There’s still time.”
- Erlich: “I know what binary is. Jesus Christ! I memorised the hexadecimal times tables when I was 14 writing machine code, okay? Ask me what 9 times F is. It’s fleventyfive. I don’t need you telling me what binary is, just like I don’t need you thinking about soup or taking pictures of it.”
- Peter Gregory: Did you just take a sip from an empty cup?
Peter Gregory: “Why did you do that?”
Richard: “Just something to do.”
- Jared: “I mean, we’re all cool here, but we know each other. So obviously, when Dinesh calls me retarded Frankenstein, or he describes me as Aids lady, or Gilfoyle refers to me as effeminate KD Lang, I know this is a joke among friends.”
Dinesh: “It’s not a joke.”
Gilfoyle: “We’re not friends”.
The Big Bang Theory
This show has an absolute treasure trove of quotes and you have until 18 August to cram in no fewer than 207 episodes before it gets removed from Showmax. To be fair, it has been available on there for like… over 40 years, you know…
- Leonard: “Now we’re going as Hulk and She-Hulk. I don’t want to take my shirt off at Comic-Con.”
Sheldon: “If I may speak for Comic-Con, we don’t want that either.”
- Sheldon: “Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?”
Penny: “I don’t know, a psychiatrist?”
- Sheldon: “Who is going to drive me to work?”
Leonard: “You’re a big boy, you’ll figure something out.”
Sheldon: “Don’t talk to me like I’m a child. Now take me to return my Star Wars sheets.”
- Stephen Hawking: “What do Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck.”
- Bernadette: “Yeah, it’s your third date, maybe you could go more sexy.”
Amy: “Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.”
Penny: “No one ever bought me drinks at a bar because my brain just popped out of my shirt.”
As in the case with the Big Bang theory, you have a lot of episodes to work through (235 of them!) before it gets removed on the 18th of August. This was THE comedy show of the mid-90s to early 2000s. Best get a move on!
- Ross: “You know how you come home at the end of the day and throw your jacket on a chair?”
Ross: “Well, instead of a jacket, it’s a pile of garbage. And instead of a chair, it’s a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it’s the end of time and garbage is all that has survived.”
- Ross: “We were on a break!!!!”
- Joanna: “Wait, what are you doing?”
Chandler: “Getting dressed.”
Chandler: “Well, when I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.”
- Ross: “First divorce: wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn’t let you get married when you’re that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face. Nevada’s fault!”
- Joey: “Hey, Ross, I got a science question: If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, HOMO sapiens … is that why they’re extinct?”
Ross: “Joey, Homo sapiens are PEOPLE.”
Joey: “Hey, I’m not judging!”
This show has been going strong for over 22 years, so it hardly needs any introduction. Just know that the irreverent fourth graders from the dysfunctional town of South Park, Colorado will be back for Season 23 in September this year.
- Cartman: “I am NOTHING like Family Guy! When I make jokes they are inherent to a story! Deep situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangeable joke after another!”
- Wendy: “Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.”
Cartman: “Intelligent and friendly on rye bread, with some mayonnaise.”
- Randy: “I know you think this set of boobs is important now, but those boobs will be replaced by another set of boobs. Boobs will come and go, and then, someday, you’ll meet a pair of boobs that you want to marry. And those become the boobs that matter the most. If you can just understand that, Stanley, you’ll see that boobs hold no real power at all.”
- Mr Mackey: “Okay, smoking is bad; you shouldn’t smoke. And alcohol is bad; you shouldn’t drink alcohol. And as for drugs, well, drugs are bad; you shouldn’t do drugs. That about wraps it up.”
- Cartman: “Selling out is sweet, because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don’t have to hang out with a bunch of poor asses like you guys. Screw you guys, I’m going home.”
- Skeeter: “Hey Panda Bear! We don’t take kindly to your types around here.”
Bartender: “Now Skeeter, he ain’t hurtin’ nobody.”
Skeeter: “No! I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here. If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you only eat bamboo which is prone to grow in drier, more arid regions?”